So...you're not going to camp this summer?

I've got things to say.

This is the first summer in 13 years that I will not be driving 6 hours to Kalkaska, Michigan and spending 3 months on Manistee Lake.

It's weird for me. Mostly because my mindset hasn't shifted to summer. The shift is usually very easy. Switching off school mode and moving into up north delight. Well this year I'm not playing basketball on the back boys court. I'm not running programs in the barn. I'm not canoeing across the lake. I'm not riding around at 1am with a walkie talkie. I'm not screaming cheers in the messhall at the top of my lungs. I'm not spending my days off on the lake with 12 other staff members. I'm not driving up and down the dirt road every night to dance with my friends at the Ole Soul. I'm not laying on the athletic field gazing up at the bright stars and listening to the wind roll over the leaves.

This summer is about me. Although I would love to be sitting on the beach of Traverse City and walking around the shops in Petoskey, sometimes things must change.

Last year I left camp abruptly. In the middle of the residential session I decided to transfer schools and go home to prepare for my new start. It happened so quick that I barely had time to process and say goodbye to people. I got text messages hours later from staff members saying that they've been so busy cleaning and moving luggage that they were just informed that I left. The people in charge weren't very thrilled with my lack of notice. But I went to camp that summer with every intention of going back to MSU in the fall so I didn't expect this either.

I was in tears saying goodbye to my friends and to my home away from home. I knew that that would be it for me. Maybe a few visits here and there but in terms of my camp career, it was over. I went to the owners office to give him a hug and say I'm sorry for starting a kerfuffle. He hugged me back and said, "I hope it's worth it".

Those 5 words circled in my head for the next 6 hours during my drive home. When I pulled up in Buffalo Grove, I immediately fell to tears in my moms arms. I was sad to leave camp and my friends, but I was also sad the way I left. It needed to happen. I needed to prepare for my new city life and education at art school. But it was sad.

"I hope it's worth it".

Oh it was.

I shouldn't have even been at camp last summer. I realized what I wanted was to be up north. What I wanted was to go on a hiking trip. Well I went up north in the middle of May and came back from hiking Pictured Rocks in the middle of July. I had done what I wanted to do. I had already been thinking about quitting during the middle of the sessions so leaving didn't feel too surprising to me. I was supposed to get sinus surgery and go to Israel. When both fell through, camp was the only option.

Leaving was worth it. I adequately prepared for the fall semester at a new school and now I am doing pretty well. Starting my first summer not at camp. Per my previous post, I am currently taking 2 classes, have a job, and an internship. Well I just scooped up another internship so I am a BUSY bee. Everything that I'm doing this summer has something to do with what I hope to be doing in the future. And I'm pretty stoked about it.

I find myself constantly thinking about Lori's mac and cheese, buddy tags, and squeaky bunk beds. I'm thinking about crazy creeks, all day programs, camper/counselor hunt. I'm thinking about Mini the Mermaid, the Cannibal King, 104, and OY VEY those Tanuga boys. I'm thinking about taps talks, silent walks, girls initiation, arguing with Geneva, and kids waking up to a spray painted t-shirt on their beds. I'm thinking about campfires, medallions, feathers, and dying my hair with kool-aid. I'm thinking about rainy days, Heavy Weights, Gaga in the barn, and the goat that ate three red shirts right off the line.

I'm thinking about memories, community, and traditions. What I think about the most is the people. The campers and the staff. Missing a whole summer of new staff is not sitting with me well. During my off summer in 2014 I went to visit and I felt so lost. There were so many new faces that were having the camp experience and I didn't get to witness it. It hurts the heart a bit.

But I'm glad I have something in my life that makes leaving it so tough. I'm glad I have something in my life where almost everything I see reminds me of a memory or a person.

In Tina Fey's book "Bossypants", she said that some of the best advice she's every gotten was to "write what you know".

I know Camp Tanuga. I know the good times, the bad times, and the people and experiences that have changed me forever. I intend on using them to create something that I'm proud of. Something that will put a smile on your face.