High on Life, Drunk on Good Times

I would like to take the time to explain my outlook on the drinking and drug culture of college. If you're a teenager reading this, you may think I'm just a pussy and boring. If you're an adult reading this, you may wish your child was more like me. If you're my mom, you're probably proud of me but would want me to cut loose and "enjoy college" more like you did back in the day. I have my own opinions, beliefs, and reasonings on drugs and alcohol and, so far, college hasn't changed them.

Let's start off with my experiences in high school. I have no experiences. I did nothing illegal in high school besides drive more than one person in my car before I was 17. Even then it was just a day before my birthday and I was driving from school to the neighborhood across the street. This wasn't because I was afraid or anything. I never did anything drug or alcohol related because it wasn't important. I needed good grades to get into a good college and I chose to dedicate my time elsewhere. Also, I was never invited to any gathering with illegal substances. But this post isn't about my lack of social life in high school. We can talk about that a different time. Anyway, my first sip of anything happened the summer before senior year. And even then, it was a sip.

Fast forward to college and there are bottles and bongs everywhere you go. If you've been to college, you know what I mean. If you haven't, you'll see. I wasn't shocked or surprised or anything. People used to give me warnings like, "just wait until you get to college", or "better be comfortable now otherwise you're gonna hate college". You were all wrong. I'm fine. I'm glorious. I'm comfortable. Leave me alone.

Since being at college, I have had very little alcohol consumption. All my friends ask me if I've ever gotten drunk and I can answer that honestly with a firm NO. "But why it's so fun?!?!" False. It could be fun for you. Until you blackout and don't remember why you ended up on the corner couch in a random frat house with dried drool on your face and a blasting migraine. It's fun to "pre-game" the party with your friends until you spend the remainder of the night clutching the porcelain throne in her apartment and don't even make it out. And sure, getting high is fun until you stink up your entire room and your RA kicks you out. Like I said, what's fun for you may not be fun for me.

Now, I know it may seem like I'm AGAINST all these activities but I'm not. Do whatever you want. I just want you to be safe. I currently hold a position in my sorority that is literally in charge of making sure everyone is safe at parties. What do I care if you "can't have fun" unless you're drunk? Go ahead! Take four shots and dance your heart out on that elevated surface. I DO care if you're so out of control drunk that your breasts and booty keep popping out of your outfit without you noticing. Or if you're dancing next to an open window and are having trouble standing up straight and could topple over and fall outside. That's when I come in with a bottle of water and a bag of pretzels to calmly ask you to settle down.

I'll be honest with you. I have had an alcoholic beverage since being at college. I know. Shocking right?!?! Here's my thing; I want to be in control. I don't ever want to feel like I don't have control of my thoughts, emotions, or actions. That scares me. It doesn't "feel good" to have something influence me. It doesn't "make things more fun" knowing I might not remember myself having the fun in the first place. It's not enticing to me. I don't think it ever will be. You raised a good one ma and pa.

I have friends who think it would be fun to get me drunk and I agree. It would be fun to see myself drunk ONE time. The only problem with that is that I won't actually see myself drunk because I won't know what's happening. Additionally, I don't know how to get drunk. Literally I have no idea. I don't understand how people can stand drinking alcohol that tastes like nail polish remover just so they can be drunk. No thank you. Bar tender I would like a vodka lemonade, hold the vodka and extra lemonade.

I titled this post "high on life, drunk on good times" because that is my own personal motto. "Are you drunk?" Yeah. Only on good times. "Are you high?" Oh yeah I have the best kind of high. I'm high on life, buddy. I hope to live by this statement but apply it to adventure. I want to be high on life and drunk on good times throughout my life. I want to be addicted to thrill and remember the excitement.

So call me whatever you want as long as you're safe. The bottom line is that I am living proof that you don't need to be under the influence of anything to have fun. Since college has started, I have gotten really good at pretending I'm drunk and I plan to perfect the "drunk Lindsey" character by the time I graduate.

I held empty red cups in my hands so I would know where to put the emojis and seem cooler for this picture.

An Inside Look Into My Personal Journal

In addition to writing this blog I keep a journal. At first it was to write down my feelings and thoughts in order to not be as stressed but then I started writing little stories and lines. Like, if I thought of an interesting topic or line I can use in a story in the future, I wrote it down. So this blog post will be strictly things taken out of my personal journal and then me roasting myself. I wrote most of these when I couldn't fall asleep so I'm just curious how terrible and weird they are. I promise I'm working on other posts and stuff but I just thought I would share some of the other writing that I do in my free time. Full disclosure, for some reason I always write melancholy and depressing stories when I creatively write but I'll try and find some excerpts that aren't as terribly sad. Hope you enjoy! And if you don't then that's okay. I'm still going to keep writing even if it is crappy. Can only get better with practice!

11/6/16
I watched as her body turned away from him. Her hands were viciously gesturing and words were pouring out of her mouth in a constant stream to prevent an awkward silence. Her eyes were darting back and forth from the door then to him.

Okay so there is like way more to this but reading it over its not that good but whatever. Basically like a person at a restaurant was observing a couple and the guy was totally in love but the girl was not into it. I'll work on it.

11/7/16
There were no bubbles resting around the rim.

Seems a little intense right? I actually said this out loud to my roommate because I was talking about how my dad has me pour his beers for the can to a glass and how I can do it so there are no bubbles. I thought it sounded kind of cool and that I can use it in a story so I wrote it down. I just really liked this line. It seems stupid bit like I think of it as kind of describing a perfect person because a perfect poured glass has no bubbles. I don't know. I think it's cool.

11/8/16
All the tiny hairs covering my arms stood up in unison and my little bumps began to take over my legs. My head felt like a throbbing mess. Streams of anger and pain leaked from my eyes. I could feel my heart break inside me.

Whoa right? Like what happened to her. Nothing happened to me. I couldn't sleep because I was feeling stressed so I decided to turn my headache and anger with not being able to sleep into a heartbreak. Innovative, I know.

11/8/16
The thing about dying is that everyone thinks its so terrible. That when you die, that's it. It's over. You're done. But that's all wrong. DYING is bad. But being dead? I'm having the time of my life.

Funny? Dying is funny? No it is not funny but for whatever reason (probably because I was watching Vampire Diaries when I wrote this) I was thinking about death. But, I was thinking about after death and was like hey, what if I write about someone who is really enjoying their afterlife. And then, this little blurb was born. Lame, I know but that last line was the only reason I wrote this in the first place.

11/20/16
If you keep a smile on your face and a skip in your step, everything will change. Fake it until you make it a reality. Until smiling and skipping feels natural.

This was to make me feel better. But, looking at it now, it makes me feel angry. FRAGMENTS LINDSEY. ARE YOU JOKING? Whatever. I had good intentions.

1/19/17 (big jump!!)
And here I sit on a Wednesday night My covers are pulled tight over me and my thoughts are running around my brain. I hate being stuck with my thoughts. It's terrifying.

So the second part to this I tried to write it like there was a war in my mind of good thoughts and happy thoughts but it didn't really work out so here's the crappy and not descriptive first part of the war on thoughts.

2/25/17
If you plant your roots and just let it happen,
the magic will help you grow.

I wrote this while thinking about camp. That's all I can say about that.

So here are seven excerpts of my personal journal. There's way more in there but none of it is very interesting. My main hope is to turn it into a book but there will need to be revisions and a lot of editing and an actual story. But I can take bits and pieces. Anyway, sorry if this post was boring. I'm having a little trouble with being creative lately because I've been a tad stressed and under the weather. There are other posts in the works though so hang tight.

Thank you to everyone who have been supporting me! Also, thanks to everyone who thinks this blog or post might be weird because I don't really care and you had to read it in order to create that opinion!