Happy (almost) Thanksgiving

Two years ago on Thanksgiving I had a mental breakdown. What started as a lovely day cooking food with my family, resulted in one of the hardest cries I've ever had.

I was getting dressed in my room and put on a new shirt that I was excited to wear. The rest of my family was coming over in about an hour so I was getting myself pretty. I went downstairs to continue setting the table and setting up the house for company. I started to sweat a bit. My armpits were getting wet and I knew that my shirt would have stains.

Thanksgiving 2 years ago

I lifted my arms up and asked my sister how bad it was. My mom said I needed to change and I started bawling. For whatever reason, this turn of events set me off. I shouted "I hate my body" and went upstairs. I threw the shirt on the ground and sat on my floor sobbing.  I have no idea what was happening with my parents and sister downstairs but I bet they didn't know how to react. I ripped through the rest of my clothing and hated all of it. I laid out a few things on my bed but didn't want to wear any of it. Again, I sat on the ground crying. 

My sister came into my room a little while later to chat about it. We didn't say much and she let me cry. She convinced me that it was the material of the shirt that was the problem, not my body. She was right but also wrong. Anybody wearing this particular shirt would have issues with sweat stains but my body has always been the issue.

I'll be honest, I'm not the best at taking care of myself. I don't exercise regularly and I've never eaten a vegetable. I don't munch on a shit ton of terrible food but I don't substitute much healthy things. Moving to warm weather has helped with being active because I love going outside and hiking. My various doctors say that I'm perfectly healthy and fine so it doesn't worry me too much. But like everyone, I can do better.

My body has always been a sore spot for me. I've written about it before but right now it seems more apparent. Growing up, I always had belly rolls while you could see all of my friends' ribs. I never wanted to be THAT skinny, it was more that I noticed that I couldn't see my ribs.

Now, luckily, I never compared myself to women or girls who were "prettier" than me. Comparing my looks to another women wasn't something that crossed my mind. What I did was get upset when I didn't fit into the things I wanted to wear. Or if it didn't work with my body type. This still upsets me. Bigger sized pants does not mean make them longer! Make the waistband bigger, please!

Throughout the pandemic, and a bit before, I felt like I was losing myself because I was trying to conform to what fits and looks natural. Of course I would still go to my thrift stores and vintage shops to find fun accessories, but for the most part I stuck to t-shirts, Old Navy leggings, and a flannel. The thing is, if I was out shopping and I found a floor length, floral dress with shoulder pads, I would buy it. How funky and fun?

The point of all this mumba jumba is that I haven't been feeling myself. I was talking to my BFFL Molly about how I've been feeling lost. Don't get me wrong I'm doing really well. I work on a cool TV show, I live in Los Angeles, I get to have a little sunshine on my face, but I need to get back to the Lindsey that I see in the pictures from my happy moments. So I used kool-aid to dye my hair red. It was totally impulsive but necessary.

When all my clothes were stolen, I looked at it as a chance to start new. I soon realized how much I hated shopping. But I think I hated it so much because I was looking for practical pieces instead of items that "spark joy". (thanks Marie Kondo) Why wear something that you just feel "alright" in when you can wear something that makes you feel confident and bangin'?!

I figured that moving to a new city and getting a new wardrobe meant that a new me was emerging. But I don't know if I want a new me. I want to dig into the archives and find the happy moments that the old me experienced and bring them up again. I want those moments and feelings to be this "new me" and create this life around them. 

I've been thinking a lot about how I haven't felt like myself in a while. Thank you Molly for lending an ear and letting me get it all out. I think that right now, we're all in a funk. Mine started a bit before the pandemic hit us but it got worse the past few months.

Thanksgiving brings me happy memories of playing Heads Up in the kitchen all day, the turkey cooking competition my parents used to do, my dad sitting in the backyard bundled up next to the deep fryer all day, and sharing a big meal with my favorite people. But its hard for me to forget the way I felt that day two years ago. The way I put on make-up, wiped my tears, and greeted my grandparents at the door 10 minutes after I finished crying. I don't want to feel that way ever again. 

This year, I am thankful for my friends and family. Without whom I quite literally wouldn't be who I am or where I am today. I'm thankful for the opportunities I've been given this year and the revelation that maybe it's not so bad to hang on to some of your old self.

I'm happy that my family will be joining me in California for our first West Coast Turkey Day. :)

Have a great Thanksgiving everyone! Stay safe, stay healthy, and stay fabulous.

Peace out mah dudes. :)

Adulting In California During A Pandemic

 Well America, I'm in Los Angeles.

My body has not been prepared for the 95 degree weather in October but the consistent sunshine is nice. I've been here for about a month and I'm starting to feel like I'm not just on a long vacation.

I'm living with my girl Rae Stone and we're killing it in our apartment. We were waiting on our couches to arrive for about three weeks and now that they're here it feels like home. I live 5 minutes from two of my favorite people in the world so that is PRETTY GREAT. (Hey Lisa!) Sister Syd had come to visit last week which was fantastic. After three months of joy at home, three days is not nearly enough.

So some things have happened. First, let's talk about the elephant in the room. My stuff was stolen out of my car. I'll quickly recap for those of you just tuning in. When I came to Los Angeles in January of 2020 for my Semester in LA program, I packed up my car with all my belongings and drove there from Chicago with my dad. The plan was to stay in California after graduation so naturally, I packed everything I owned. When the coronavirus hit, and we were kicked out of our housing, I packed up all my stuff into my car and parked it in a family friends community garage. It's gated and the car was locked. What I took home were two suitcases full of t-shirts, sweatshirts, leggings, documents, and some other personal items. It was a small portion of the collection of Lindsey.

I was home for six months and had accumulated more items so when I flew back to California last month I had four suitcases full of stuff. 

Now for the fun part. When my mother and I went to pick up my car at our friends garage, I opened my trunk and all my things were gone. Actually, that's a lie. Two bags of toilet paper, my squatty potty, and a wooden chair I took out of the garbage were still in the trunk. All of my clothing, shoes, stuff, and CDs were gone. OH! And my blender. If you know me then you know that I don't buy expensive things. I will hop around to second hand stores until I can't hop anymore. So, what's nice is nothing valuable was taken. But the thing is that those bags that were stolen had everything. My t-shirt from when I hiked Pictured Rocks with my campers, the Amoeba sweatshirt my dad got me for my birthday, all the clothing I bought to look like a professional for my internship, my jewelry box with the hand painted clips my friend got me from some island when we were 6 years old, my sticker and pin collection, etc...

I am lucky that I brought many sentimental things home and had all of my important documents. But it felt like my life was taken from me. The feeling still dwindles. Also, you know I have struggled with my body and my feet. So all my clothes and shoes being stolen just sucks. I never find nice dresses that fit me well or shoes that don't make my toes feel like they'll fall off. But, we are in a rebuilding stage.

I have trying to revamp my wardrobe for a while and this has given me the push I needed. My friends and family have been sending me gift cards and going through their closets and sending me the stuff they don't want so I am very appreciative of my support system. My car is fine. Whoever stole my shit were strong and sneaky.

Here we are a month and some change later and I'm tired of buying stuff. If anyone wants to go through their closet and send me whatever they don't want just let me know. 

I have a job now which is very exciting. Shoutout to semester in LA and Karen Loop for hooking you girl up. I'm the PPE Supervisor/Set Monitor for the FX show DAVE. I'm having a great time and I'm not even on set yet! I just love TV so much and it's great that I get to work on a show that I enjoy. Seriously, DAVE is a great show and I'm honored to be on the team that helps keep everybody safe and healthy!

When I'm driving around I'm starting to feel at home. I know the streets, have my grocery store, my nail place, etc... Rachel and I go on walks all the time to familiarize ourselves with the area and do a bit of LA sigh seeing. You all know how much I love pop culture and entertainment. Living in the place with so much of that history is a dream come true. It would be awesome if this pandemic would just chill out and I could experience some of the action but I also wouldn't have my job if there wasn't a pandemic so...

Anyway kids and cats, things are going well. I've been adulting correctly. Except for the lack of vegetables and exercise, of course. I think that's all for now.\

Peace, Love, Lip Gloss

Lindsey

DON'T FORGET TO VOTE!

What I've Been Watching:

Julie and The Phantoms (Netflix)

This is a kids show but I do not care. It is so good and has so much heart. I cried during every episode and the songs are extremely catchy. The actors are very talented and I hope there is a second season because I love those ghost boys.

PEN15 (Hulu)

The second season is just as cringey and hilarious as the first. This show is genius and it keeps me laughing throughout every episode.

Hubie Halloween (Netflix)

This movie is so stupid that it's amazing. There's love, pain, and a mystery. Plus, the cast is unbelievable. Just remember that it is SUPPOSED TO BE DUMB. If you just go in knowing that then you will thoroughly enjoy iy.

What's Cookin?

Hello humanoids.

Obviously it has been a minute since I've bombarded you with my life, so here we are. Did ya miss me? 

I haven't written in awhile because I have nothing to say. Recently, I have come to realize that that is not true. I always have something to say. I have been cooped up in BG since the end of March and have done many things with my time. Besides having anxiety attacks, I've been trying to do things to make me look like I haven't been lazy. So that employers can say, "hey ya know what? let's hire this cool chick because she didn't just sit on her ass during quarantine". 

By that statement you know that I am still unemployed. I am very optimistic that the job will come when the time is right and I am setting myself up for success. For example, I began writing for an online magazine in May. I do not get paid to do this but, I get to write articles about film and TV. 

Check it: https://www.unpublishedzine.com/film

Additionally, I am the Director of Film & TV for another online magazine. That involves me leading the team of film writers and giving them feedback on their articles. This magazine is all over the place and the communication is terrible so I might be quitting this position. I've enjoyed reading the articles that the writers have sent me though.

Recently I have started writing TV news for an entertainment news website. I write five articles a week about breaking news in the television industry. I am now a wiz at Wordpress and I love the feeling of seeing my article getting viewed on the site.

You can find those here: https://television.mxdwn.com/author/lindsey-rabinowitz/

Pay no attention to my bio on that website. For once, I had no idea what to write.

SoO I've been keeping myself busy. I like writing TV news because I like to read TV news. I think I'd be a great entertainment reporter and interviewer because I am genuinely interested in the topics. Anyway, I'm enjoying myself and slapping more things on my resume.

I addition to the writing, I am a certified COVID-19 Compliance Officer. I took a training on line and then passed my test so it's official. What does this mean? Well, in order to start production shows, films, commercials, and music videos need one of these Compliance Officers on set. We monitor symptoms, check everyone's temperature at the entry point, wipe things down, put blue tape on the floor to signify six feet apart, and so on. Basically, we're making sure everybody stays safe and the production doesn't have a coronavirus outbreak. Since every set and production is requiring at least one of these, I felt it was in my best interest to get certified. I care about safety, and I want to be in the industry. It's an ideal situation for me. So, I'm Lindsey Rabinowitz and I'm a certified COVID-19 Compliance Officer. Let me help you keep your set safe.

Something I've been enjoying a lot is going through my grandparents house. My Nana and Papa haven't gone through anything in over 50 years. We started with clothes, then knick knacks, and now anything my Nana wants to look at. Of course she almost has a heart attack every time we open a drawer because she cannot believe the amount of stuff she's accumulated over the years. Besides the fact that I have a whole new wardrobe, I love hearing the stories. Every item comes with a story and I love to listen to my Nana and Papa tell it. What's really awesome is that I now have items of my great grandma's in my possession. I have an old clock of hers that I hear ticking every time my room gets silent and I just think of her and my great grandpa having conversations in their living room as the clock ticks behind them. I also have one of her coats and some of her old costume jewelry. She was very into beads, and so am I, so I love that I can now wear these necklaces and think of her. It gives me a drive to dress better too... Anyway, we're going through more stuff this week and I'm pumped. We've also been donating whatever things they don't want which has been great!

My sister Syd was in town for three months and it felt like 6 hours. I never saw her during the day because she was busy working but we all had dinner together every night. On weekends we'd play Game Cube, and every morning we went to workout together. Oh. That's another thing I've been doing...exercising. I guess you know I'm bored because I am voluntarily waking up at 6:00am every weekday morning to sweat for an hour. I still go and Sydney's not even here. BUT LIKE I'M NOT REALLY DOING ANYTHING ELSE. And my endocrinologist is proud of me so...

My girl Rachel has made herself at home in Israel and that makes me sad but excited for her. She's been my only friend home for the past 5 months and now she's off to bigger and better things. The holy land. So pumped for her. 

In other news, my other friend Rachel and I have been looking at apartments in LA. It's been rough and frustrating but we are nearly at the finish line of finding a place and moving out West. We're both eager to start our lives and get this show on the road. Even if we can't do all the exciting things we want to, and neither of us are employed, we're excited to journey into adulthood and see what it brings. We'll work a bunch of part-time jobs until something comes up for us. Nannying, UberEats, WHATEVER IT TAKES. The two of us want to be amongst the palm trees and by the serenity of the ocean. Also I want to be with the glitz and the glamour. We're so clooseeee.

What am I watching?

Supernatural

One of the best and worst decisions I've ever made was starting Supernatural. The show's last episodes premiere in October. There are 15 seasons, 23(ish) episodes each, AND 45 minutes per episode. BUT, its wonderful. It's terrible because now I can't watch anything else. I'm surviving though. I take a break between seasons and binge watch some other show that doesn't have a lot of episodes. 

Umbrella Academy

The second season ROCKED. Read my article on Unpublished if you want to see more about what I thought of it.

Lovecraft Country

I read this book a couple months ago because I knew it was going to be a HBO Max show. The episodes come out once a week and so far its AWESOME. The story itself is twisted and intriguing and to see it come to life is wonderful. The cinematography and the design of the pace of the show pulls you in.

Watchmen

I almost forgot about Watchmen. I finished this show so fast because I just couldn't stop. Just an FYI...HBO Max is making some pretty amazing originals so if you don't subscribe...maybe ya should. I knew nothing about Watchmen before watching the show and I hardly knew what was happening throughout the entire series but it didn't matter. There were so many twists and turns that I could not take my eyes off the screen. REGINA KING DESERVES ALL THE AWARDS. She should be cast in every single film or TV forever. This is truly incredible and they were nominated for like 26 Emmy's or something. 

That's all for now folks! I'm just gonna keep on applying for jobs, keep checking on my applications for paid internships at HBO...if you can't tell I'm a big fan...so if anyone wants to make a call...and help me get one of these internships...I know I'd fucking kill it...but no pressure.

Keep on keeping on my friends. We're all in this together and I can already see the light at the end of the tunnel. It's kinda far away but its there. ;)

OH! Make sure to watch Bill and Ted Face The Music. My family and I might be in it for a second. We sent in a video for a contest and I got an email back saying 'hey! you may or may not be in the movie so make sure you watch it!'. So...go watch it and maybe you'll see us playing fake instruments in our backyard. HEHEHE.

Peace mah dudez,

Lindsey Rose

Everything is FINE

It has been exactly ONE MONTH since I up and left apartment MJ in Tower 33 of Park La Brea.

What am I doing?  I'm sitting in my bedroom listening to One Direction surrounded by all my stuffed animals and the holes in my walls that have the faint memories of photo frames and decorative art.
It's 2012 baby!

I've been doing my classes online since March 16th. Los Angeles announced their stay inside mumbo jumbo on the 13th. I got an email from my program saying we all must be out of our housing by March 25th. On March 22nd at 7:00pm I touched down in sweet home Chicago.

Answers to a couple questions I bet you have:
1) My car is still in Los Angeles with the majority of my stuff. My beautifully kind friend Jill offered to let my stuff sit in her garage while we wait out the madness.
2) My classes are online AND my internship is online. I am still interning for the fabulous A.Smith & Co. Productions. I am doing less work but we have Zoom calls every week to check in and I ALWAYS look forward to them.
3) I have not left my home to do anything but go on a walk. I walk between 3-5 miles every other day or so. Gotta keep the legs moving, and keep my sanity intact.

I'm going to answer your last two questions not in list format. Listing things in an article or post is lazy writing. Don't let anyone tell you different.

I'm using this time to my advantage. I have been reading a lot, watching panels with TV executives and writers, and writing a lot. Scripts, articles, etc... I was looking for more time to be creative and I found it. Obviously these are less that ideal circumstances but free time is free time. I've been using my blank walls to tape up ideas and outlines for scripts, which adds a little flavor to my bland room. I've been taking two baths a day because WHY THE HELL NOT!?! You can't stop me. Also, they calm me down. How can I not be stressed right now? I'm college senior who is supposed to be on a program that was going to give me a leg up in my industry and get me more comfortable in the entertainment world. I should be sipping on margarita's on the beach, seeing exclusive screenings, and "accidentally" running into celebrities. Instead, I'm teaching my parents how to use Zoom and sipping on whatever beer my dad tells me I "have to try".

Like I said, I'm trying to use this time to my advantage. I don't have to finish a script in a day. I can lounge around, rewatch Community, and eat another Poptart without any consequences. I've been looking and applying to jobs just to trick my mind into thinking I'm "making moves". We don't know what's going on. But I do know that I need a job after this is over soOo...

I've been looking for different online magazines or sites that I can write articles for so if you know of any that I can submit to HIT ME UP. Would love to get some sort of portfolio of published work going for future employers. I don't think the article about education I wrote for the MSU website three years ago is gonna cut it for "experience".

So what's next?
Well my friends and foes, who knows? I have come to a very important realization the other day though that I don't think I'm ready to move to Los Angeles. I don't think I'm ready for the high stress and glamour of it all. I'll be ready eventually, but this might not be my time. If I was still in LA on my program things would be different. I would have convinced myself that I had to stay. I was already there so what's the point of leaving?

But I believe everything happens for a reason. The reason for the coronavirus in its entirety, I'm lost. Me having to move home was a blessing in disguise. I loved living in the city. I loved the little life I created and the things I was involved in. I loved taking the CTA wherever I needed to go. I just really enjoyed it.

I loved my time in LA. But, I'm not ready for that. One day. I'll be back there one day. But for my own mental health and happiness, I gotta do something else.

Right now, I am very thankful for my walks with my girl Rachel. We chat through everything and that's exactly what I need. I'm thankful for my dads love of grilling. Ribs, beer can chicken, steak, potatoes, etc...I never go to bed hungry. I'm thankful that my grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins are safe and healthy. I'm thankful that my sister has friends to keep her company. Real friends and TV Friends. I'm thankful I get time to breathe and listen to music. I'm thankful for all the hard workers on the front line risking it all for our safety. (STAY HOME EVERYONE) I'm thankful that I have this time to think and dream. And write and be creative.

I don't know when this will start to dwindle and end. So I'm gonna use it as much as I can. Then, someday, I'll be able to tell the story about all the stuff I did in quarantine.


What am I watching?
Not a lot. I'm writing and reading more. I'm trying to finish Mad Men...it's only been four months. I'm rewatching shows that I enjoy so I don't have to fully commit and focus on other stuff. Although, Community just came out on Netflix so I will be watching that in my free time. I watched Spenser Confidential the other day and that was good. Great cast, exciting plot. That's really all you can ask for in a 2 hour movie. It dragged on in some parts though. Post Malone is in it so that got me pumped.

Everyone should be downloading Quibi and giving it a shot. I have it downloaded but have not started watching anything. Lots of great talent and content in a new way of streaming. Gotta give it a chance before my 90 day free trial is up.

Listen to Dax Shepard's podcast "Armchair Expert". It's excellent.

That's all I got for now mah dudez. Stay safe and stay inside. It's not fair to ask our healthcare workers to risk their lives and then us turn around and be careless. We're all going through it and we're all going crazy. You're not special.

Twenty-Two

Today is my 22nd birthday. I have decided to make my 22nd year of life better than the first 21.

SoO...

Let's make it a good one.
Let's make more decisions that lead to happiness.
Let's dress how you want to dress.
Let's listen to the music that you want to listen to.
Let's talk the way you want to talk.
Let's write what you want to write.
Let's tell the people that you love that you love them.

Let's dance in the rain.
Let's cry tears of pain and tears of joy.
Let's relax and spend more time outside.
Let's laugh and surround yourself with people who make you smile.

Let's have the sunshine hit your skin and spread positive vibes through your veins.
Let's tell the people who put you down that you won't allow it anymore.
Let's do more things that scare you.
Let's take risks and fail.
Let's take risks and succeed.

Let's stop and smell the roses more often.
Let's put your feet in the ocean even though you're afraid.
Let's reach for the stars and never stop.
Let's spread happiness to everyone you meet.
Let's keep up the good work, but keep improving.

Let's make this your year and not settle for anything less.

It's time to start appreciating me and living fearlessly. Life's too short to be anything but happy.

Here's a pic of me from 3 years ago to ring in the occasion.

BRING IT ON TWENTY-TWO.

H0LLYW00D @rts

Hello from Hollywood-Land!

I am currently sitting in my bed looking at writing fellowships to apply to so, essentially, I am officially an adult.

My body hurts because I went roller skating Friday and I have not been skating since Sydney Roth's birthday part in like sixth grade. It did not go well. I could barely skate and I fell on my BOOTY. My wrists fell behind me and my tummy popped out of my shirt. BUT...I did it in STYLE.

So now, my body is sore, my butt hurts, and my wrists might definitely be sprained. But, hey. That's showbiz baby.

Saturday we went on a tour of Warner Brothers and everyone was saying that they thought it was so long and it WASN'T LONG ENOUGH. I could've hid out there for days and just kept getting on those elongated golf carts. Very disappointed that we saw NO Scooby related content but I guess I'll just have to go back.

What else have I been up to?

Class and internship babbyy. Classes are grand and I'm writing a pilot about being in a bottom tier sorority so that should be fUnNN. My other two classes are whatevs. One is an internship class that I only have to go to 5 times during the semester and the other is a speaker class where cool people in the industry come to talk to us. It's interesting but I basically just have to show up and take in the wisdom. SoO I'm concentrating on my comedy writing class and going with the flow. My classmates have some silly ideas and I'm excited for them to get developed. You're all in for a treat once we all get jobs in comedy writing. These kids are the bees knees.

Internship is SICK. I signed a NDA so I can't tell you anything but, essentially, we're making magic. I'm reading and researching and pitching and getting to know some great people in the industry. Pictures to come of me on the America Ninja Warrior set.

Some other cool things I've done?
My roommates and I spent a day in Santa Monica and that was fun because one of them had never seen the ocean. We walked on Hollywood Blvd., hiked Runyon Canyon, and have walked around countless places. We live across from The Grove so that's fun.

OOOOOOH. yes yes yes. I went to watch a rehearsal of The Connors. Me and a kid from my class were the only two who signed up so we drove from class to Warner Brothers studio, stood outside for 35 minutes and then watched the 30 minute rehearsal. Magic. It was the rehearsal of their live show, if anyone is a fan. There's a hype man that gets the crowd going so we laugh loud and stuff and he started playing the beginning of "Rapper's Delight" to get us pumped. He then said "does anyone know the words" and I shot my hand up. I got up and went to stand with him in the aisle, the crowd said "Hi Lindsey" and then he handed me the microphone. And I KILLED the first two verses. I was moving up and down the aisle and getting the crowd going while they clapped along to the beat. Then he cut me off and THANK GOODNESS because when Hank comes to sing that song I get the verses all mixed up. SoO I walked away with a hat and QUITE a memory.

I kid you not the weekend I moved in was when Kobe and his daughter passed away. A very somber time but, some great street art has popped up around the city. All the buses have RIP KOBE on them and every one of those Wheels bikes that you can use with an app has a sticker of him. It's been quite beautiful to see the city come together.

OH DUDE. I went to the Hollywood Amoeba music store and spent way too much money. They have the coolest posters and so many CDs I just couldn't help myself. My dad and I went to the one in San Francisco years ago and thought it was the coolest thing ever and the Hollywood one did not disappoint. My room feels like mine now that I am surrounded by pictures of the cast of Animal House, Dazed and Confused, and Blondie.

My PARENTS are coming into town! Woot woot! 3/4 Bini's in Los Angeles taking on the sunshine and palm trees. (sorry Syd) Should be a fun time for all.

What's coming up?
I don't even know y'all. I think more tours, more tapings, more everything.

Any celebrity sightings?
THREE!
Jacob Elordi
Bo Burnham
Nicole Scherzinger

What am I watching?

Indebted on NBC
You guyz this show is HILARIOUS. There have only been two episodes so catch the heck UP!!!

Locke & Key on Netflix
If you like magic then THIS is a great show for you. I watched all 10 episodes in one day and I LOVED it. It really drew me in

That's kind of it besides my usual shows like The Goldbergs, Schooled, The Magicians, Legacies, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, etc...

Okay BYYYEEEEE!!!