Before going to this job shadow, I got a call from the president of my sorority saying I had been slated(chosen by a committee) as the new philanthropy chair on the executive board. Out of pressure and time, I said yes to the position. Then I hung up the phone and started crying. I did not want this position, nor did I think I would excel in it the way I could in other places.
I did not throw a fit after I got the phone call. I cried. I cried a lot. Then I talked with my Big Nikki, who was there with me, and my GBig Jane on the phone for 25 minutes. And after that, I told the current president to post the positions with my name next to Philanthropy. I don't care what you heard happened. I'm a mature person. I would not stomp my feet on the floor, pound my fists on the table, or yell at people if I didn't get what I feel I deserved or wanted. I simply slept on it and returned the next day with my decision. I would not do it.
I'm not mad. I'm not disappointed. I'm not bitter. I'm actually happy. I'm in a great mood. I wasn't going to do a job, for an entire year, that I didn't want to do. I was on the phone for a half hour with my mom and sister before finalizing my decision. One thing they reminded me is Bini's don't get pushed around. Think of my family. We are strong people. We don't submit to what people think we should do. We're not ones to sacrifice our happiness for something we don't want. We know ourselves and we know what we want. And this was not what I wanted. Mama didn't raise no fool.
It could be a Greek Life thing because my sister said something similar happened to her. She was groomed to be a position, and she was given another one. So she said no. I guess it runs in the family.
Like I said, I'm not mad. I'm not angry with the committee or the people who got the positions I wanted. I think everyone did a fine job and is going to do amazing things for the house. But if this was truly thought to be the right position for me, I would've taken it. There would've been no back in forth trying to decide what I wanted. And ultimately ending in me saying no.
I'm simply upset. I'm hurt because I feel like I wasn't listened to. I also feel like I was highly encouraged and told that I had the potential to hold certain positions in the sorority and that my time was wasted trying to prove that I was fit for them. My Big received various texts after I got my phone call asking if I was okay. Which makes me think that it was known I wouldn't be so I don't understand why this all happened in the first place. I guess it's part of being in a house though. You think one thing, and then something completely different happens. Happens all the time in life too.
I woke up this morning feeling refreshed and relieved. I stand by my decision. When your whole family is on your side, when the current position holder agrees with your decision, and when a founding member of your house tells you you're doing the right thing, it's hard to not feel good about it. Sure I would've done okay if I were to have taken the philanthropy position, but its not what I'm passionate about. So, I'm going to take my wonderful sister Syd's advice, "take your passion and skills and use them elsewhere". Oh sister Syd, I intend to. :)
If any of my sisters are reading this, please don't look at me in pity. Don't continuously ask me if I'm okay and please don't tiptoe around me because you think I'm mad or angry and want no part of the house. That is SO not the case. Also, I am not writing this to place blame or to cause a scene or anything like that. I just wanted to explain my side and how I feel. Everyone is entitled to their feelings. I genuinely believe everything happens for a reason. I wasn't meant to be on this executive board. The sister who was chosen to be philanthropy is going to do a 10000x better job then I ever would've because she actually wants to do it. And the fine young ladies that are on the board, they have my full support and are going to do the most amazing things for the girls of SDT.
In other news, my littles got initiated!! YAY RACHEL AND RACHEL. OFFICIALLY A PART OF THE GIRL GANG. ;)
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