Talking Body- Tove Lo

DISCLAIMER! WE’RE GETTING VERY PERSONAL HERE SO IF YOU CAN'T READ ABOUT PUBERTY, SELF-LOATHING, OR BREASTS WITHOUT GETTING UNCOMFORTABLE, YOU MIGHT WANT TO JUMP TO THE END.

This post is gonna be two parts but they flow into each other.

I have always felt very insecure about my body. I was 100 pounds in 5^th grade, I started growing hair on my nether regions when I was 8. (yes 8) And I was always so much bigger than my friends. To be fair, I did have some tiny friends. But my size and development for my young age always seemed a little off to me.

For the past 20 years I have had a “fake it until you make it” attitude. Pretend you're confident, and you’ll soon believe it. And maybe, just maybe, other people would start to believe it too.

Well, I was 12 and getting my first bikini wax and buying a cupped tankini bathing suit for spring break when I realized I had to REALLY fake it. So I did the best I could.

Switching gears a little bit.

My body has always been an issue in regards to sexuality and romance. You can’t expect other people to like you if you don’t like yourself. My whole life I have been the best friend of the girls that every one finds attractive. And I’m okay with it. I’ve never experienced someone asking my friends about me. About what my “deal is”. It never really started to get to me until recently.

I had my first kiss at overnight camp when I was 10. When I say kiss I mean that me and this lucky boy ran behind the rock wall, puckered up and touched lips for a millisecond before I ran off like a little girl.

The first time I “made out”, or “hooked up” or “frenched” someone was when I was 15. It was also at camp. It’s true what they say, a lot of firsts happen at camp. Not all of them involve kissing though. It was after evening program and me and this, again, lucky boy (same one that I had my first kiss with, AWWW cute) threw our foldable chairs on the ground and walked deep into the woods surrounding “the make out trail”.
I am EXTREMELY confident that this night, and every night after that, what we were doing was not the correct technique. We both seemed okay with it but we were teenagers.

I was one of the last girls in my cabin to play tonsil tennis. (sorry about that I was just trying to use a different way to phrase it) When the bugle rang and I ran across the athletic field with my bra still on but unhooked, all 13 of my cabin mates were smushed in the corner by my bunk, waiting to hear every detail of my first base (?) experience. I took my new burst of confidence into sophomore year of high school. But that confidence was soon lost under baggy sweatshirts, homework stress, and whatever other self-loathing inhibitors life threw at me.

Since then not much has happened to me. The occasional butt and hip grab at frat parties. The little kisses that my friends and I used to give each other to say hello. The times I showed the entire female staff my boobs because I was proud of how symmetrical and perfectly shaped they were. Other than that, not much.

I can’t blame the lack of “action” all on the male species. I will take some of it. I am not confident in my body. I am more confident now than I was when I was 9. Or when I was 16. But I could still feel better about myself. I don’t feel comfortable putting myself out there because I don’t necessarily like what I would be putting out. Don’t get me wrong, I love myself. I am one of the coolest and most beautiful people I know. But you have those days, weeks, or months when you look in the mirror and all you want to do is throw your hair in a ponytail, wear your XXXL sweatshirt and eat a plate of nachos while watching 10 Things I Hate About You for the thousandth time. It’s your favorite movie but it makes you even angrier when you see how stick thin and hip Kat Stratford is and making a panty dropper like Heath Ledger fall in love with her?? I love it but I hate it. (I mostly love it)

I got my first real bra in 5^th grade. I got measured at Victoria’s Secret and got a pretty purple bra that clips in the front. I was happy that I was contained and maybe it wouldn’t be noticeable. My breasts stayed that size but my stomach started growing. I can’t tell you when I started to hit puberty and “thin out” because my body has always been the same as far as I’m concerned. Sure my neck elongated slightly but I can still bust out a mad triple chin if the situation demands it. If I wasn’t chubby before, I was now. I was big for my age. And I was about to go to middle school and get braces. Things were not looking up.

I had a friend in middle school that every boy wanted to get a piece of. That sounds terrible and if she’s reading this I don’t mean it in a slut way. I just mean it in a “you got male attention” way. She had hips, she had a slim waist, she was pretty, and she had fully developed boobs. She was one of my best friends and I spent every weekend with her and she would tell me about her new boyfriend and I would hangout with them. Super fun times right? Honestly things could’ve been worse. She still hung out with me and the rest of our friends. There just might have been an extra topic of discussion, or an extra person. Either way, things were okay for me. I didn’t feel like the chubby sidekick. I was still too delusional to care about the attention of boys. So things were okay.

It’s when I got older that my body confidence started to dwindle. High School.

No one was ever mean to me. No one had ever said, “I don’t want to go out with Lindsey.” Or “I don’t want to kiss Lindsey”. It’s just nobody thought about it. As far as I know. I tried not to think about it. I still try not to think about it. I would go with guy friends to dances so there was no pressure. I would sit and listen to all my friends’ boy issues, envious of their confidence.

I decided to tell myself that I was fine with the way things were. I convinced myself that I was okay with hearing the stories and watching my friends buy cuter, more slimming clothing. Everything was fine. I was fine with myself, and being by myself. I didn’t need it.

I still tell myself that. I don’t need it. Which is partially true. What I need is more body confidence. I think we all do but mine is very necessary in order for my happiness to flourish. What I need is to put myself out there. What I actually need is more male attention. It seems silly. I seems REALLY silly when I write it out. But I truly believe it. I get red and flustered whenever I think a boy is cute. I had a crush on my TA the entire first semester. Everyone in my class knew and would push me to go talk to him but I refused. Because I am still a 15 year old girl who is convinced that I’m fine. That I don’t need to talk to this boy because I don’t need him to “like like” me. And anyway, he probably never will.

I have said for years that I don’t see marriage in my future. It’s not on my list of goals or things I want to do. I want to be successful in other departments but if a dashing young man happens to turn up on my way to my dreams, so be it. There are a lot of times I don’t see the point of getting more body confident or putting myself out there because of that reason alone. I’m fine right here.

But this is what I’m saying. I’ve brainwashed myself to act like I’m fine. I’ve convinced myself that the slightest form of interest from someone or the littlest bit of intimacy makes me weaker. I don’t need this, I’m fine just the way I am.

Well people of the internet, things are not fine. Things have not been fine since it was pointed out to everyone in the day camp bathroom that my body was developing when I was 8. Things have not been fine since I was 15 and was scared this boy would get bored with me after a couple days of “hooking up” so I faked being sick for the rest of the summer. Things have not been okay since I developed an aversion to being touched in any way. Hugging and kissing my family is sometimes physically and mentally hard for me because I convinced myself so well that I didn’t need any type of affection of any kind. That somehow a hug would make me weaker. That I would be sharing too much of myself.

Writing this post has helped a lot. It’s 12:36am on Saturday December 29^th. Mom gave me some sleeping pills that didn’t work. (shocker) I started writing this in my head and needed to get it down immediately. Life is tough and you have to be with yourself through the whole thing. You might as well try and love your body to the fullest. And then let people in and love you too. It’s easier said than done. Obviously, I am a living, breathing, hypocrite of that statement. But I feel better after putting things into words.

Why would I share this on the internet? It’s very personal. Do you want attention?

1) Why the fuck not?

2) Yeah its personal. I’m a real human being with emotions and thoughts and things to say

3) AND YEAH I WANT ATTENTION. DIDN’T YOU READ THE POST. I may not know what to do with it or what to say or even acknowledge it at all but as people we CRAVE attention and I have gone far too long pretending like I’m too good for it.

Well mah dudes. I hope you related to, enjoyed, or are shocked at the things I put in this post. If so, then I must be a great writer if I provoked any kind of strong emotion from you. Hope you have a great break and that you all love yourselves and demand attention from the people around you.

PEACE.

TV PICKS OF THE POST:

Derry Girls-Netflix

ABSOLUTELY AMAZING. Very raunchy so if that's not your cup of tea then pass on it but WOW. Can't wait for the second season.

T@gged- Hulu

The best worst show I've watched in a while. It's so bad that it's good and the episodes fly by. 

Ellen: Relatable- Netflix

Always a crowd pleaser. Her return to stand-up was amazing and her stories and heart complete the special.

Springsteen on Broadway- Netflix

Talk about amazing. He's a story teller and it is refreshing to see him do what he does best. Plus, two hour long shows, 5 nights a week, for 14 weeks. Doing the same thing night after night with just him, a piano, and his guitar. That's why he's The Boss.

I'm trying to minimize my Netflix list so I'll keep you updated. 

Talking Body- Tove Lo

What are you still doing here? The post is over! Go Home!

(Ferris Bueller’s Day Off reference for the real fans)

And...Scene

WE OUT.

Done (almost! two more days!) with the semester and I am ecstatic! I loved my classes and learned a lot but now it's time for new classes and more learning. Yippee! No seriously I love to learn and I'm learning cool things so the excitement is real. This semester I took some intro level TV courses and I will finish them up next semester along with some other courses that I am so pumped for that I want them to start already. 

But first, it is time for a break. A well deserved break. In case you know nothing about my life or are not one of my millions of internet fans, its been quite a year. It'll be nice to relax and put it behind me, and look into the future of 2019. So much anxiety and unhappiness filled 2018, (there was also happiness and smiles, it wasn't all bad) I'm glad I'm ending on a good note. And an optimistic note too.

I think about where I was a year ago and how unsure I was of how I was going to achieve my dreams. Every day I would tell my friends that I wanted to work for television, and make people laugh. But I was writing stories on education and learning about AP style. Honestly I commend my classmates that they're still sticking to it. I used to cry on the phone to my mom about it and she used to say "I think you should transfer" and I'd be like nahhhhh I can't. And then my sorority sisters would walk in the house or my best friend Noa would walk in my room and we would go get Tropical Smoothie or Mexican food. BUT over the summer I applied to transfer, just to see. I got in, I thought about it. All my friends, including all of my campers, told me I'd be crazy not to go. I quit and left camp, got ready for school, started classes and here I am 15 weeks later just a step closer to DOING WHAT I WANT TO DO.

Honestly it's a great feeling. I cried myself to sleep the other night thinking about it. I texted my sister that night and thanked her for helping with pushing me in the right direction and believing in me. Because now, I am confident that I'll be working in entertainment. This semester I have gained the knowledge and skills to get my foot in the door and I will only enhance my skills as I move toward graduation and get more experience. It's exhilarating thinking about how at some point in the future I will be doing what I have always wanted to do; make people laugh. And when that moment comes, I'll know. And every one around me will know because I will be weeping like a baby and clutching my chest saying "THIS IS IT. IT'S HAPPENING. GIVE ME SOME ROOM." COOL RIGHT?!?! Yay art school!

Quick shoutout to my senior year film teacher Mrs. Merola. The last day of class I waited for the rest of the class to leave and asked her to sign my yearbook. She looked me in the eye and asked me if I picked something to study in college and I said no. She told me I might want to consider something in film because I have a really good eye for things. I also want to add that every one in my class though this course would be an easy A and I was the only one that was actually interested in the topics so I was the only one who ever talked BUT she told me I WAS GOOD AT IT. Whatever that means. This stuck with me though. It had been at the back of my head my two years at Michigan State and I think about it whenever I'm doing assignments. I tell myself to look deeper into things. Why are things presented the way they are?

This has helped with my interest in the production side of things and I'm taking a couple production classes next semester. Thanks Mrs. Merola for the help. :)

I also get to write next semester!!!! My intro level TV Writing class starts in January and to say I'm excited is a GIGANTIC understatement. This is what I have been waiting for. This is why I transferred. To write and learn and learn to write and write some more. Can this semester be over already so I can get started?? I mean c'mon let's go people.

That's about it from me right now. I have my last 3 days of this semester and then my dad and I are going to the Schweddy Ball at the museum of broadcasting downtown. THAT will be a whole other thing and I don't know what to expect so I have nothing to say.

Anyway, thanks for tuning into @lindseyrosebini!! Follow @lindseyrosebini on instagram and twitter for daily(ish) fun from ME, Lindsey Rose Rabinowitz.

Until next time, have a happy holiday, stay safe, stay golden, and see ya next time mah dudes. :)

Take Camera 1

Hello internet world! I am currently sitting on my couch watching Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed with my roomie Tatiana.

Since the last time you read my adventures, a lot of things have happened.

I went to Austin to visit my Sweet Sister Syd at the beginning of October and it was awesome! We went to a music festival but the awesome part was that I got to spend the whole weekend with my best friend! I can't wait for her to come home for Thanksgiving so I can beat her in Mario Party 4 and make mom confused with our inside jokes. Ya know, typical sister stuff.

I spent two out of the four October weekends in East Lansing. I'm glad I did though because I got to see my friends and it made me realize that I don't miss it. The first weekend was the Michigan v. Michigan State football game and that was fun because my friends from both schools were there and...Sydney!! Exciting. I was able to tailgate and chill out just like old times. It was a nice change of pace from my new life in Chicago.

The weekend after I went back to MSU for my sorority's date party. My BFF Michala took me as her date and we had fun dressing up in her moms 80s ski sweaters and jamming out to broadway tunes. It's like I had never left.

But I did leave. The next morning I went back to Chicago and everything was great. I spent some time at home and then went back to the city.

Since then I have been laying low. Trying to relax before the end of the semester and before I get my inevitable sinus infection. I already started all my final papers and projects though so that's exciting. I don't have too many final exams so I can work hard on my papers and projects to maintain my grades.

That's the plan this and next weekend. Get as much done as possible so I don't have to spend Thanksgiving working on things.

Next week in my studio class I'm getting interviewed about a project I did. My video was chosen to be a package in our filmed show and the segment is going to be on Columbia's television channel. So that's exciting! I really enjoy working the cameras in that class. But I LOVE being the floor director. Relaying cues from the director to the talent, counting down the broadcast and giving signals to break. It's so much fun!

I registered for my second semester classes and I am SO excited to begin writing! Learning to write for TV is the main reason I came to this school so I am super pumped to get started.

Next semester I plan to get more involved with the city and comedy scene. Gotta make some new friends first to explore with though! Baby steps.

Ciao for now my people!
Hope everyone takes time to learn the history of Thanksgiving before they feast on a bird. Don't watch Squanto though because it will give you nightmares.
Also, the City of Chicago has started decorating for the holiday season and I am thrilled to announce that I will  not be taking part in it. (Check out my blogpost from last year if you want an explanation)

Well see ya later mah dudes!!!

Oh Hey Didn't See You There

Well well well. Welcome back to @lindseyrosebini !!!
Hope the hiatus wasn't too detrimental to your everyday lives.

I assume the majority of my readers have read about some of my updates via my Facebook profile or my moms Facebook profile. But in case you literally get all your information from my life from this blog, I've got an updated post for you.

I have left the armpit of America that is East Lansing and have enrolled in Columbia College in Chicago. Don't get me wrong, I loved Michigan State. I hated my classes though and couldn't figure out a way to be happy with them. I'm at college to learn the best possible skills in the field I want a career in. I was not getting that at MSU. So here I am! Living it up in the big city of Chicago.

I have some very interesting classes. I only have class Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. BUT, I have class from 8:30am-4:00pm. So they are VERY long days. I'm tired and stressed for three days and then can cool off, do some homework, and get some sleep for the other four. It's not a perfect system but it seems to be working alright so far. Anyway, I bet you're all dying to know about my television classes. Here is the low down:

I have an Aesthetics and Storytelling lecture where we learn about camera shots, the three act structure, pitches, treatments, yadda yadda yadda, TV stuff. My professors for that class are AMAZING and I love going to it.
Then I have a university writing class that I am killing. My professor made a copy of my essay for the entire class and then he read it out loud. He said he was going to do this and honestly I don't care. It didn't seem like it was bad...but I can never tell with him.
On Wednesday I have a four hour class and then a three hour class. It is hard to get through and kind of sucks because the classes are so interesting. The first one is Television Arts: Production. That's my studio class where we set up sets, work with the heavy-duty cameras, learn audio and lighting, and put on shows! We also learn terminology and apply it to the shows we make. Very funny.
After that is my Production and Editing class. The Aesthetics class is the written work for this class. In P AND E, we learn about the cameras we use and how to shoot good footage. We talk about shooting techniques and watch examples are well shot scenes. This is also where we edit the footage into our final projects.

Aesthetics and Storytelling. Television Arts: Production, and Production and Editing are all a part of my learning community. They're all connected and have the same people in them. New friends!! We're also all in the same learning community next semester.

The last class is the one I have every Thursday; The History of Television. My professor is literally a television historian. That's her job. We talk about trends throughout television and watch examples of what we talk about. It's actually very interesting. If you have any questions feel free to message me privately. I'd love to chat.

I go to Austin this weekend to visit my sweet sister Sydney. We're going to the music festival, Austin City Limits. Gonna be a sweet time. Good music, warm weather, four days with my big sis. What a weekend!

My roommates are great! We were all random so it could've gone incredibly bad. But, they're all wonderful people and I VERY fortunate to have these four lovely ladies for the next 7 months.

It was easy to be the outlier at Michigan State. Every one was studying business, or communications, and I wanted to study media and comedy. I was the one who didn't want to think practical and wanted to spend the rest of my life in entertainment. It's harder at Columbia because every one is an outlier. I go to improv club every week and one week we went around and said our names and majors and at least 90% of the people there said they were studying Comedy Writing and Performance. COMEDY WRITING AND PERFORMANCE IS AN ACTUAL MAJOR. That is so cool! A lot of parents would think it's a waste of time but these kids are THE OUTLIERS. All in the same room. I have considered switching my major to comedy but I keep coming back to the fact that I want to learn all about the work that goes into creating my favorite TV shows. I want to know what kind of lighting is used when Midge Maisel is standing on the stage of The Gaslight. I want to know all about the crew members and what type of microphone during each segment of The Ellen Show.  That shit is so cool to me. I also want to make people laugh myself. That's why I'm in improv. I feel that in order to write comedy, I also have to be able to perform it...at least a little. And I enjoy it.

I had a meeting with a professor in the television writing department and he told me that while I'm in the city taking classes over the summer, I should also take a writing class at Second City. I mean if a professor is suggesting it then it must be done.

I get to go to Los Angeles! Maybe. Columbia has a semester in LA program that I am DYING to go on. I get to take classes AND have an internship in Hollywood! Like how cool is that! I'm working extra hard so I can get all my classes done and have a good chance to make it to the west coast in Spring 2020. Hopefully, after my semester there, I'll be able to stay out there. That's the goal!

Since I am a Television Writing and Producing major, I will end this post and future posts by telling you what I am currently watching and what I think about them.

The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, Amazon Prime
OKAY. THIS SHOW IS SO GOOD. My roommates and I are watching it together and it is the most amazing show. It has great writing, well defined characters, and omigosh the Jewish references are just dead on. I laugh, I cry, I yearn for more.

Manifest, NBC
Not the greatest acting. The characters are way too dramatic. The storyline makes up for it though. Such an interesting concept and I'm excited to see how it continues.

UnREAL, Hulu
I just started watching this and I absolutely love it. Behind the scenes of a bachelor type show? Genius. The drama is so enticing. It's quick to get through too.

The Good Place, Netflix
Kristin Bell can do no wrong. The twist at the end of season 1 had be going forking insane. (Good Place reference) Definitely worth binge watching.

Fun Mom Dinner, Netflix
This is a movie not a TV show. I watched it because Adam Scott and Bridget Everett. It seemed a little stupid at first. But I was laughing the entire time. And Adam Levine was in it which made it so much better.


Well that's a wrap for me my dudes! See ya on the flip side.

Binge Watching the Goldbergs

I had one final exam. So, the last two weeks of school I wasn't doing much.
Lindsey, what were you doing with your free time and for the two weeks you've been home?
GREAT question loyal readers! I was binge watching The Goldbergs! (I didn't put a photo because I don't want to get sued so please enjoy some pictures of my own family)

First, I am bitter because this was my plan.
My plan was to pitch a show based on my family members personalities and events in our lives. I have been writing down funny memories and phrases about my family for years hoping that I can turn them into something.

And my gimick to make it more appealing?? That it takes place in the 80's. Because ya know, I was born in the wrong decade so I could definitely tweak my experiences so they took place in the past.

BUT, thus, now there is a TV show that has done exactly this (by now I mean the first episode was 5 years ago). Not only is it being done, but it's also AMAZING. I laugh out loud at every episode and I can't stop thinking about it.

Honestly, I can't believe I am so late to the game. I remember when it came out and my friend Jami Goldberg got the first episode sent to her house because she's a Goldberg and I guess that was a thing that happened.

A Jewish family in a small town? A show that is on Wednesday nights? That takes place in the 80's? Where the main character is a kid who loves movies?
Does not seem like its up my alley at all. PASS. (that was sarcasm)

And I shrugged it off. It was on TV every week but I had other things to watch. Until a few weeks ago when my friend gave me her Hulu account and I decided it was time to binge watch it.

For the last two weeks of school I could not stop watching, thinking about, and talking about this show. I still can't. The characters are so entertaining and the way home videos are integrated into each episode and how some of the old videos are played out EXACTLY by the actors! Like that's so cool!

And Jeff Garlin's mom and I used to get our nails done at the same beauty salon so a little piece of home is in every episode. ALSO, a Jewish family! They have Hanukkah episodes and use yiddish terms! Amazing. Couldn't have done it better if I did it myself.

Everyone's a mensch, Pops says verkakta almost every season, Beverly has a Yenta binder and the kids regularly mention something about summer camp. Unbelievable.

Now, I have been raving about this show to everyone I know and they all have the same response. "Really? You think it's that good?"
Yes. Yes I do. It's got drama, it's got comedy, it's got yelling, it's got life lessons, it's got realistic scenarios that could happen to teenagers and parents and it's got a great supporting cast. It's just good writing. It really is. And the theme song is very catchy.

I've been trying to get my family to watch it so they can realize that this is how our family acts all the time. The episode where they go out to dinner for Erica's birthday hit a little too close to home.

I am SUPER excited for the new season and cannot wait to smile and laugh.

I write about my feelings and things I love on this "blog". I love this show because it's a combination of everything I enjoy and dislike about my life. But it puts a funny twist on things to make everything better. And there is always a lesson learned at the end.

Sorry if you don't really care about TV or about this show or whatever. I just wanted to share what I've been up to and my new favorite thing!!

Thanks for tuning in!
I'm leaving for the summer tomorrow so I'll catch ya on the flippity flop! :)

Post-Sophomore Year post

Hey, hi, how ya doin'?

It's no secret that this semester has been a toughy. Ultimately, I hated all my classes, got in some tiffs with some friends and now I am just trying to breathe. By the time I got home, everything was fine. Classes were passed, friendships were remade and TV is being watched. While I was hating all my classes, I didn't get to watch any of my shows so now I'm catching up.

There was one good class this semester. I took a Radio and TV News class. It was the newscasting class where we had to put on shows once a week. One class I asked my professor if I could run the show and he gave me the headset and I called the shots for the last like, 6 shows. It was amazing and every episode was thrilling.

Additionally, there was an extremely bad class that poked at my self-esteem, made me question my intelligence, and caused me to cry in my car on various occasions. The one good thing that came out of it is that it was a major contribution to me changing my major! So yay!

I'm super excited to be learning about cameras and production and all that jazz next fall. WOO! It's a step in the right direction to my dream; to make people laugh. :) One day, hopefully, you'll be watching a sitcom on Tuesday or Wednesday night and you'll see my name on the bottom of the screen and be like, "great scott! she did it!"

While I wasn't crying and stressing that I wasn't going to pass my classes, (I passed) I actually made some great friendships and I am super excited to spend more time with these people during my junior year. They make leaving for the summer hard.

Honestly I don't have much to say or going on. I'm leaving for camp next Saturday and I am PUMPED to recharge and enjoy the summer at my favorite place.

But Lindsey, shouldn't you be trying to find a real job/internship for the summer to build your resume and start getting serious about your career? Well overly involved agenda pusher of a reader, I am perfectly fine with where I am at.

I was confused this year and didn't even know what to apply for. Now that I have somewhat of an idea of what I want to do in the future, I will be looking for jobs/internships for the summer; for next summer. I'm using next year to build my skills and hopefully land an awesome experience that will help me learn more about me and the profession I choose. But, that's in the future. And I'm very happy to see what it holds.

That's all for me; for now. :)

HELLO WORLD.

HELLO Blogger-sphere!
Did you miss me?
It's been a while and quite a lot of things have happened. First, let me explain myself. I am in three journalism classes. All of them drive me up the wall in different ways. Writing for fun does not fit into my schedule and it makes me very sad.

Journalism is not the profession I want to go into. #sorrynotsorry
I don't want to be a reporter and I don't want to go out into the field and find stories to write up.

I want to create stories and bring them to life. So...I have changed my major. My family gets mad at me whenever I make a change. But, this one is for the better because I really don't enjoy my classes and I'm not going to enjoy them because I have no interest in them.

My new major is Media and Information with a concentration in film and media. What does that mean? That means that I will be taking classes and learning the gist of being a film producer. When I tell my friends about my new studies they all have the same response.

"So you're studying the thing that you should've been studying from the beginning".
The answer is yes but life is a climb. I had to thrust myself up and get through some obstacles in order to get here. And I am very happy to move forward.

My classes were really getting me down in the dumps and now I feel a lot better. Of course I'm trying but my full energy could not possible be used.

What else has happened since you last heard for me? Let's get medical!

I lied to all of you. Well, technically my gynecologist did. I was prematurely diagnosed with late onset congenital adrenal hyperplasia. After visiting my endocrinologist and getting an ounce of my blood drawn, it turns out my gyno was wrong. I don't have CAH, I have PCOS. Which is a more common, less intense, version of CAH...kind of.
So what does this mean? This means I'm going on medication to help the hair growth. I guess it's more to hinder than to help. But it'll help me feel better! Additionally, PCOS is triggered by weight gain and loss.

Which brings me to another new thing!
In mid February I started to feel puffy. Not fat. Not large. Not heavy. Puffy. I called my mom and I said that I felt like I was at maximum capacity and I have to do something about it. My sweet sister Syd suggested a place in Lansing that she used to work out at. I tried a free class and LOVED it. So, after spring break, I signed up for a membership and now I go to a class 3-4 times a week. The exercise started as me just wanting to get into shape but NOW it correlates to my PCOS too. It's a double-whammy situation really. I enjoy myself and feel better while also helping my new friend, PCOS.

There's more?!?!
How could I possibly have more stuff to talk about? For those of you who are loyal readers or just talk to me, you know that I don't sleep. It's getting better but I still have trouble. You will also know that I have issues with my sinuses and ALWAYS have a cold. Well, I was diagnosed with chronic sinusitis. Basically, that horrible feeling you get in your head and face right before you get a cold, is a constant feeling I have. You can only imagine how I feel when I get a real cold. I wake up every morning with a headache, my face feels like there are weights on them and I get nosebleeds more frequently than I should.

In May I will be taking a journey and will be put under so that my dear doctor can suck out all the gunk all up in there. She's gonna widen my sinus canals and fix my deviated system so that the packed in mucus can wash it's way out. And so that when I do get sick, antibiotics will actually help me! Because right now they'e USELESS and I refuse to ingest something that will not make me feel less like a zombie.

MORE MORE MORE!!
I started training to be "air staff" on the campus radio station. You can only hear me if you have the link since I'm still training. Catch me at http://impact89fm.org/fix/ on Tuesday mornings from 11am-12pm!
Also, when you're on the Impact website, my cousin Ryan has written a couple great articles for their sports section!

I met Judge Aquilina and she is the coolest person ever.
I also got to shadow an ESPN producer and sit in the truck for the first half of a MSU basketball game.

EVEN MORE?!?
I turned 20 this month and I feel fantabulous. I was in Austin with my sister and mom during my birthday and there is nothing like ringing in the but 2-0 with the two people who have literally been with you your entire life. Sweet sister Syd moved to Austin and that's super cool and I am very excited for her to make memories. I spent my birthday alone because I told my mom to leave me alone. It was great. I chillaxed and enjoyed my time with me.

MOVIES.
I saw Black Panther twice and I still cannot get the image of Michael B. Jordan shirtless out of my head. It is permanently there every time I blink. Also, I saw Love, Simon and I LOVED it. Ask me about it privately and I will rave. Especially since the soundtrack was written by one of my favorite people in one of my favorite bands, Jack Antonoff.

MUSIC!
Me and my friends are going to see All Time Low next week and I'm super psyched. I've been listening to the Unhappy Hour podcast and I love it. Not music but still something you listen to. Been thinking of starting my own podcast. Thoughts? Opinions? I don't really care I'm gonna do what I want anyway.

SORORITY!
I was chosen to be a recruitment guide for recruitment in the fall and I am so stoked! I have to be unaffiliated from my chapter in the middle of August so peace out homies! I'm excited to take on this responsibility and help these young women find a home here on campus.

LOVE!!
JK LOL. No boys for me. It's been a little busy up in here. Some people I do love is the class group chat that is formed with me and 5 of my friends. The chat is called *internally screams* and we complain about class and chat with each other all day everyday. And we have a snapchat group. Shoutout to those chicks for keeping me sane.
Also I would like to mention my littles since one of them said they would like to be in one of my blogposts at some point. Love you two like I love Shawn Mendes. (a lot) The Zack and Cody to my Carrie.

That's it for now I think. I'm going to try and post more soon. I NEED to post more soon for my sanity.
Ta-ta for now!
Happy first day of spring! And happy international day of happiness!